Hi Guys. This is Lindsay, your host for the untethered with Lindsay Tuttle NP podcast, where we go deep on truly becoming untethered in your life and health and experiencing exponential freedom. We have the radical and uncensored conversations you have been craving and give you the tools for expansion and growth. I’m so glad that you are here and I can’t wait to connect with you.

Hi friends. I am so excited to bring you another episode of Untethered this week. And I have my friend Kelly here who I’m so excited for you to meet and get to glean all her good energy and wisdom. Um, and Kelly is a writer, teacher, and thought leader at the intersection of well being and modern life, with 15 years experience in this industry as a consumer and researcher and six years as an entrepreneur. Kelly holds a depth and breadth of experience that she channels into Ancient Future Heart while being a stay at home mother to her three sons. Ancient Future Heart is a platform where Kelly teaches how to shift our mindset and beliefs to be the love we wish to see in the world through essays on Substack, podcast episodes, classes, and courses. Kelly’s approach centers on identifying and examining the paradigms we both hold within and in our worldview and through the power of choice and creativity, bringing our uniquely brilliant vision to life. I just love that so much.

Welcome. Welcome Kelly to Untethered Podcast and just all your

goodness. I just always love seeing what you’re up to. You are really just paving a very inspiring and, and I don’t want to necessarily say different path, but it’s really great for me to see other moms in the entrepreneurial space. I really crave that. And I crave seeing women that are just always looking to be in a hundred percent alignment and just really following self development and, and just looking to also honor their season. I just keep finding myself really just needing it, I’m in the season where I’m just seeking, I guess the word would be nurturing, but just, I really appreciate seeing other people, in the social media space that are moms and also doing this work and also putting out a message. And so I appreciate you with that and I forgot or didn’t realize we both have three boys so that’s always a party.

Kelly

I know I love, I love that we have that connection because there’s specific energy to three boys and being a boy mom and it’s. And you how old is your youngest?

Lindsay

Two.

Kelly

Two. Okay, so Emmett will be two in July and then my oldest are twins and they’re six. So I feel like we’re also in kind of a similar age range as well.

Lindsay

Yeah, absolutely. And did you grow up with any brothers?

Kelly

I do. I have a younger brother. He’s six years younger.

Lindsay

Yeah. I’m an only child and it’s very interesting. I have to ask my husband often, is this normal behavior? What should I expect here? Because it’s so much energy and so much, so much, you know, and I feel like I’ve had to really just be in this continuous surrender, release, just honor this is a specific season and just kind of hone in on my, my truth there. So I’ve really enjoyed seeing you just everything that you’re putting out there in just your, your Substack and the social media space. Before we get talking about all those things, I’d love for you to share just a little bit about yourself. So I’d love for you to tell us your sun, moon and rising. And also your design.

Kelly

I am very, very into astrology and human design, and I’m not a typical

astrologer or human design reader. Although I’ve done readings in the past, a few years ago, I was doing like purpose readings and I do weave it into my work because it’s just, it’s like a language that I speak every single day and use on myself so much and my whole family. Like that’s a huge way that I understand my husband and my three boys. So I am an Aries sun, Gemini rising and a Cancer moon. And I am a three, five projector splenic splenic projector.

Lindsay

Hmm. Yeah. I think I’ve mentioned to you before. I really enjoy projector energy as a, as a man gen.

Kelly

Um, you’re man gen.

Lindsay

Yeah. I just, I, a lot of the coaches that I’ve worked with have been projectors. It’s a certain. quality and I mean, they’re guiding. So it’s just a, I feel like nurturing personality when it comes to coaching and really gifted in that way. And so I personally have found I resonate with that design the most when it comes to being coached. Yeah. It’s fun that you mentioned that with just the astrology and the human design. I only really got into those things in the past, I would say, year and a half, two years. And it’s just been really fun to have that as just additional support and additional, I just see it as kind of like a blueprint that is just help.

And especially with kids, it just is really, really insightful and has, I feel like in many ways, supported me as a parent and knowing how to specifically tailor just my, my conversation and my support for each of my kids. And so I love that you said that it’s just something that you’ve been able to integrate. You speak that language and it just is just a tool that you love to use.

Kelly

Yeah. It’s one of those things where I, I’m a skeptic. I actually have in human design, there’s something called the gate of the skeptic that I have, which is very helpful in a lot of ways, especially if you’re here to question the way things are done and do things differently and create a new way of being and doing. That is really helpful, but it also, and it’s helpful as a, really a tool of discernment. But it can also put me in a situation where I, I do doubt things a lot, right? I really, really put them through the test. I think it’s why I’m so attracted to using, I mean, you’re the same. It’s like blending science with everything that we do and. I know that just that level of like proof and like, let’s look at what really works.

And with human design and astrology, I used and then doubted those systems a lot on and off over the years. And I, I just am continuously blown away by how accurate and powerful they are. 

And I think to your point, the best way to use them is as a reminder is like almost in retrospect to be like. Oh yeah, like that’s a, that’s confirmation that, um, helps support me. It’s permission to be your full self and then to let other people be their full selves and all of the brilliant ways that they use their energy. Um, so I think it’s really powerful, especially when we can, yeah, use it with our kids to really help understand them so that they can continue to be their full selves and not have you know, any of their idiosyncrasies moved out of their personality for the sake of convenience, you know what I mean? Or the norm, because sometimes it’s just, it’d be so much easier, but we have their individuality.

Lindsay

Totally. I was just thinking when you were talking about that, how I realized like my second child is just so different than my, my firstborn.

And I realized it was just some of the behavioral things that we were going through that so much of it, I could support by just changing my approach and really getting to know better his human design, which very interestingly it was almost identical to mine like to a T. Which was very insightful for many reasons, but it made me think of just you know, I know you feel similarly I really feel like kids are just incredible teachers, but also, you know, everybody has incredible giftings and spiritual gifts.

And then we get all this conditioning from day one that really prevents us from activating those things and fully expressing ourselves and, and really connecting to ourselves in that way. And so I feel like it’s a responsibility that I have of helping to nurture, just these gifts and these parts. And like you said, just really seeing the individual and, and all these different things that are strengths. And it’s like, how much more, you know, could people be experiencing better health, wealth, you know, all the things that they’re wanting, if they’re really tuned into who they came here to be and what their giftings are, it’s like finding a lost part of yourself.

Kelly

Yeah, I think understanding our gifts is, is a path to self love is a really almost, it’s like a, I love it, cause it’s practical and easy in a way that you can just look at, I mean, that’s why astrology and human design are really fun because you can look at, okay, like, what is my design? What are my aspects and, and get to know your individuality and get to really see different parts of yourself as a gift. Rather than as, you know, more neutral as it is just a part of me, or even a challenge, because in every challenge, there is a gift, right?

It’s like, everything has that duality. And so, they’re really fun modalities in that you can just use it as a way to like celebrate yourself. So yes, get to know yourself, but then also begin to really like love various aspects of you. Like now when I go back to my design, I’ll like just, I do it all the time. I mean, I’ve been studying my design for years and years and I’ll go back to it again and again and like read through my gates, or listen to them on an app. You know, I love Jenna Zoe’s app. I love Karen Parker Curry. Those are probably my two favorite teachers in human design specifically. And I’ll be like, oh my God, like I love my design.

I love that about myself. I love that that’s my gift. And I also use it with entrepreneurship in, as you said, like I’m obsessed with alignment. And I, I’m just so focused on being in my highest alignment. And that has really what’s guided me over the years. And those tools are so, so helpful to keep, to keep us in alignment, right? It’s like not necessarily fitting ourselves into the mold of what our human design or astrology is telling us, but instead using it to inspire us. And like ignite a spark in us and keep us then on our path rather than getting distracted. Because you know what? It is really easy to get distracted, especially as a mother entrepreneur on social media.

Lindsay

So much. You’re speaking to my soul. And then you wrote a Substack last night that I was reading and just, you, you’ve shared on this before, but I really feel like I spent so much time, so much time in my entrepreneurship journey, like, I feel like I’m literally at kind of, I mean, I’m not at the beginning of the book right now, but I feel like in some ways I’m just starting only from the aspect of now I feel like I really do these things that I thought were actually a problem because I didn’t see anybody else or I didn’t really feel like it was accepted that I’m just somebody that I can’t be boxed in. I have multiple passions and it ebbs and flows. I need to take pauses. I need to be able to just kind of ride the wave and again. You know, and there was all these things that I realized I kind of put myself in this box because just all the, the noise from social media and not really knowing yet how to discern and know what was best for me. 

And I mean everything you said resonated and when you were sharing so you have this Substack which I love I’m, just loving seeing all these people really start using Substack and I love writing so I’m very inspired. At some point maybe I’ll be on. My dream is is to write a book at some point.

And so I just love writing and you had shared on your Substack, I was just reading it yesterday, of that how many times do you find yourself saying, or kind of, it was like turning down things that don’t necessarily, they don’t feel right, but it’s also just challenging yourself with what’s feeling right, what you’re feeling and what’s coming up and also you know, how much are you just striving to be in this place of perfectionism or just you know, and I felt like I was reading a bio

Yeah, that’s just a hundred percent what has held me up before is just you know feeling like it needs to look a certain way and as a result, I totally shut off all these things, you know?

Kelly

It’s been a realization for me in that I’ve always, I was on this path for a long time. I called it meandering and I actually really love that. I, I did this deep dive into the word meander at one point. I love words and finding out what words mean. And it’s based on, it’s like, goes back to this like ancient Greek river that goes like this. It’s like a snake like path and it turns back over and over on itself. And it’s not about being lost, right. It’s like we, it’s like that, that phrase, not all who wander are lost. And it’s not even about wandering. It’s this process of self discovery, but in, in applying that to my entrepreneurial journey, I did at times end up in a very perfectionistic type state. So I had an infrared sauna and wellness business that I opened in 2017. That was like my first foray into like wellness and, and spirituality as an entrepreneur, as like an actor right? And not just someone that was learning and loving and obsessed with, and, and in that space. Cause I’ve been like, like, I remember ordering the first, like doing juice cleanses back in college when the only juice cleanse company was like Blueprint Cleanse, do you remember them? Like blueprint, they were like, it was like the first, like online juice. It was like the first juice funds you could like buy. Everyone was like, what are you doing?

So anyway, fast forward. I was like, oh my gosh, I’m finally doing like my passion as my job. I’m opening this business in wellness and I loved it, but I also ended up accidentally, massive blessing, having twins at the same time. I literally found out. I just started construction on the space for Inner Light. It was a brick and mortar physical studio as opposed to like a digital online business. So I started that. And I literally like the next week I went, I knew I was pregnant when for the ultrasound and they were like, you’re having twins. And I said to the ultrasound technician, I was like, I’m opening a business. And she was like, sorry, you’re doing more than that. So, I ran that for two years and then I ended up selling it to my sister. And unfortunately the business did not survive the pandemic, mall boutique wellness with, uh, you know, just was not aligned with all the rules and regulations, especially that we had in New England. I live in Connecticut.

So, during that time, it was funny because the piece I wrote on Substack last night reminded me of how much I was actually doing at the same time as I was running Inner Light. I was doing coaching, I was doing a certification in life coaching, I was doing mom groups, and so I was continually honing and refining, but my mindset wasn’t of honing and refining, right? It’s like my mindset was, I kept second guessing myself and I kept thinking, oh, I need to change this and shift this when it really was very small tweaks. And I think it was, I think it’s Carl Young. And I tried to look up this quote the other day, but I know it’s him and I’m not sure exactly where he said it, but he essentially said something along the lines, his process of individuation, which is right, finding yourself.

Where he said, like, if you keep going in the wrong direction, long

enough and hard enough, you’ll end up where you’re supposed to be. 

And, that’s really what I was realizing recently is I knew, okay, oh, Kelly, at some point, you’re going to look back on all of these mistakes and all of these shifts. And you’re going to, it’s all going to make sense. And it’s all going to come together. And that is very true. And at the same time, both, and at the same time, If I had just kept going in any of those things, even when it was like felt uncomfortable. And if instead of having this mindset of, oh no, this isn’t an alignment and I need to like do something different. If I had had this, a different mindset of, okay, let’s keep going. Let’s refine. 

You’re on the path. Then I would have like gotten where I wanted to go a lot faster. Because I’m literally about to relaunch in next month, not relaunch, but create a new and launch a class, of course, I’m not quite sure exactly the format yet that I created in like 2019.

So I guess my message to anyone who’s listening to this would be like, you know, so much right now. And if you feel any sort of like confusion or like you’re going back and forth on your path, just know that like, you have everything you need in yourself. The only work you need to do is to love yourself. The only real work you need to do is like love and accept your whole self. And that’s it. Then it’ll just become e, instead of being like, oh my gosh, how am I going to fit the various aspects of who I am and all my uniqueness into a business? It’ll just happen.

Yeah, you

Lindsay

know, you’re speaking to me in the sense that what’s been really on my mind is just to have fun. Like, why am I making this so fucking hard? You know, um, have fun with it. And just know that, don’t limit yourself to conditional terms. Like, allow it to be something that you know that it’s going to grow and things will evolve and change. And just be willing to ride that process. And I, it’s funny, I have this Gabby Bernstein card deck that I’ve had for like six or seven years before I even really started a lot of the the deeper work. And I think I she was the first person that I kind of got interested in more of the emotional, spiritual healing aspects years ago.

And I had bought this card deck from her. I actually still have it on my desk. It’s called miracles now. This card, it always comes to my mind because I think it’s just, it’s just revolutionary. And it says, I measure my success by how much fun I’m having. And as a, human design and even just where I am in life and just nurturing that inner child aspect. It’s like, yeah, this should be fun. You know, it’s going to be hard, but it can also be fun. And I can just enjoy the process and like laugh along the way and stop confining it to any sort of conditional things or these, these things that are not even, you know, don’t measure success. So yeah, it’s been, and what you said too about just being able to come back to yourself and love all parts of yourself. That is, I feel like the, the key that unlocks the door, you know?

And I loved hearing that with just what I’ve listened to from your podcast and you speak to that quite a bit and I’m just curious too what led to the birth of Ancient Future Heart? Because I remember finding it maybe last fall but I’m curious what led to that, that name and just that vision.

Kelly

So with names, I find naming your business is a really funny, interesting thing, because both this time with Ancient Future Heart and with Inner Light, where when I had the idea for Inner Light, it just, it downloaded. And I remember I wrote it down on a note on my phone and that was the name. It was Inner Light. And I would ask like, is the name really Inner Light? And they’d be like, mm hmm. I just get that message over and over again, whether it was from my guides or whoever my inner knowing my higher self, like every time I questioned it, it was like, Nope, stop questioning it. Like, just go with it. Just trust us.

Cause at the time, I remember people being like, really, that’s the name. Okay. And then with Ancient Future Heart, it was this phrase that I heard years ago that, and I, it was, it’s funny. It’s the author, it’s an Italian author, mid 20th century. And I think he was like quite communist, like

I’m obviously not quite communist, but it was just a really beautiful phrase that says the future has an ancient heart and it just, and there’s something about it, I think that it’s about, like working with your mind and then like dropping down into your heart and like the play between past, present and future is really what it speaks to to me. It’s like ancient is the past, future is obviously the future, and then the present is in the heart. And I like to call the present the always because we get confused when we hear that it’s called the now moment or the present moment, and it’s actually, I guess I’ll make more sense in a minute, but, um, why I’m talking about science and the block universe, but there is no mathematical equation that shows that the present moment exists.

It actually doesn’t exist. Like the present now moment doesn’t exist mathematically. In the most mathematical, probable formula for existence, for like what this all is, is called the block universe. And in the block universe, all, and this is why people say time is an illusion, blah, blah, blah, is all space time exists at one point, at once. So like, that’s the, the objective world that we’re in, is most likely, mathematically speaking, the black universe. So there is no, there is no future. There is no past. There is no present. It’s only, it’s only the always. It’s like everything exists at once and that’s God, right? Like how have ancient people always talked about God?

How do so many Eastern religions talk about God? It’s, it’s, it’s even Christianity, the alpha and the omega, the ending and the beginning, it’s all in one, right? And so, which I guess would take me back to how Ancient Future Hearts started is I started it as a podcast, which I guess I had taken like the longest break from like doing any form of like work. From 2020 I had been doing coaching and one on one sessions and it started a podcast actually in 2020 and I stopped that mostly cause I didn’t have as much childcare and we moved to the countryside. And then I worked on a book for a year in isolation. And then I had with like a friend, we wrote this book and that paused.

And then I had my son and I dabbled a little bit in network marketing and I played with that. It wasn’t a great fit for me, but I was getting really clear all the while, again, obsessed with alignment on like, what, what I, what am I here to say and what do I want to say? And so what do I was most interested in? And I, I am just, I love to read. I love to research. I love to talk about and think about what is the fabric of reality? It’s like the one thing most people want to ignore is like, well, what, what is this? What are we in? What, what is existence? What is humanity? What is the soul? What, you know, what are all the components, what are the mechanics of reality?

And so I had been writing essays on that on and off on Substack since 2021. And, and so in September, I launched the podcast and each podcast episode, I launched it as a podcast. First, each episode was really a deep dive into science and spirituality and talking about paradigms and time. That do it, I was doing it every week and I just couldn’t keep up with that pace as a mom. And my focus, like I had said that the thesis of Ancient Future Heart at first was really about surrendering into the mystery and like, let’s break down paradigms and let’s just be in the mystery. And like, we don’t have to get it right, right away. And they’re not necessarily, I don’t know the answer.

But it’s funny because I realized. I always held the same truth to be true in my heart, which is that I believe that God is synonymous with life, is synonymous with the universe, is synonymous with you and me. We are a fractal of it. And I believe that it is benevolent, inherently benevolent and inherently loving. And I was like leading towards that with the podcast episodes. And I guess I kind of quantum leaped it, by being like, no, actually, this is the focus of Ancient Future Heart, is this thesis that I hold. It’s not the mystery. 

You could stay in the mystery. You can stay wherever you’d like to stay. Yeah. This is really what I’m here to say. I was like, but I’m not quite what I realized, like four months in is like, I’m not quite saying what I’m here to say and what I’m meant to say.

And I’m like, okay, this is actually it. This is what I’m here to say. And let’s get out of our heads a little bit. Cause the first, you know, four months of episodes of Ancient Future are all in the head and let’s actually drop down into the heart. Yeah, so I, and, and this is how like the motherhood piece comes in a lot is like, I’m constantly trying to figure out the best way to do the mix cause I’m homeschooling. They have a homeschool pod. So that’s where they’re at right now. My older two and I have help with my, my baby. You know, but it’s like, I have two to two hours a day to work, right? So it’s like, how do I get done everything that I want to get done in that time? And how do I create at the highest level in that time? And what is my most potent medium too, right? I think that’s a really fun thing.

Lindsay

Asking my daily questions.

Kelly

Yes, right? Like, these are the questions we have to ask ourselves. And like, as moms that are creatives and entrepreneurial, it’s like, we really, we have to come at it with just like this higher level of discernment and, and care. Right?

Lindsay

Yeah. You’re speaking in my soul. Yeah, it’s, it’s so much of that and I love that you were just talking about getting in the heart space because that is where I’ve realized with everyone that I work with one-on-one, and my belief is that is the root of all disease and illness is it’s not the gut. It’s not, you know, these kind of more I don’t want to limit it to just the holistic wellness world, but I really have found just time after time, I mean it really is all comes back to the heart. And are we just living in love when it comes to ourself and entering in the presence of forgiveness and what is our connection to God?

And who do we see ourselves as and are we connected to our purpose? You know, it’s these deeper questions. These it’s quantum level of just, you know, when people get to that, that’s when I see them really start healing. And that’s when things sometimes get a little bit rocky because it’s like you finally realize, oh, like this is really what it is. This is what it’s all about. And so I just love that what I’ve noticed is that there seems to be more awareness that this is just such an important space. Um, you know, there’s heart math Institute, and there’s more discussion on heart coherence tools. And I just feel like that, that is the missing piece.

And so just when I was listening to one of your episodes, this was, I think you had done it in the fall, but I just listened to it a month ago. And it was in regards to really connecting with God as love and just healing that. And it was just really powerful. I think that is, again, it’s just, these are the pieces that once people start to dig into this healing work, you’re not just healing generations, but you also get profound insight into, you just get more clarity. You get more sense of purpose. You get more, I feel like for me, it’s just like you said, it’s just so much more awareness of what is my message. And that’s a very grounding feeling.

Kelly

I think that one of the things that anyone in the space of spirituality or self help is missing is that piece of like, but wait, what is our worldview? What do, what do I believe about the world? And, and what do I teach people to believe about the world? Because if you’re preaching self love, but you think that, or even if you’re preaching that God is love, but you also believe that God judges people and that God punishes and that God, you know, dislikes, you know, hates humanity, or like, would kill us all, or kill people that aren’t obedient to him, like, I believe that that’s there’s a huge lack of coherence, right? 

That there’s like a huge disconnect.

And so if you believe, it’s like everything, you know, this it’s, it’s what you teach and what you do in your healing work is everything is a reflection, right? So it’s like, that’s what as above, so below as within, so without, this is what Jesus was teaching, you know, what we believe about the world, what we believe about others, we believe about ourselves and vice versa. So it’s like, you’re not going to get where you want to go, if you’re trying to like. work on your self worth, and heal your money wounds, and heal your value, and, and love yourself, you need to address what you believe about the world. 

Because if you believe that humanity is inherently bad, if you believe that like an apocalypse is going to happen at any moment and wipe us off the face of the earth, then you’re not going to get very far in feeling safe in your body. You’re not going to get very far in feeling safe in this world and in loving yourself.

So it’s like, we really have to look at that macro and I think that no one’s really addressing that. Because no one really wants to think about it, right? Because it’s like, who wants to think about life and death? But I do. I love thinking about death. You know? It’s like you can’t really, but we can’t feel safe on Earth until we get our relationship right with death, which is God. Which is Earth, etc.

Lindsay

Yeah, everything you’re saying. This is actually, I was thinking about this so much in the COVID era and just the, what is really going on here that there’s such a fear of death. Like that, there’s just no I love that you worded it. Your just relationship with death and and with life. That was when I mean, you know that whole 2020 time. I, I literally refer to it as like the BC and AD of my life, You know? It’s just I feel like I was completely different person before that all of that and I look back and see how literally I was living in a frequency of fear 24.7 of one thing or another. And of course, you know, I dealt with Lyme and all these chronic issues.

And exactly like you’re saying, there was no sense of safety or grounding or security in my body. And I think that we are here to heal that on a very deep generational level, that that’s been going on for just many generations before us. And you know, we’re here to really establish this new paradigm.

Kelly

Yeah, I’ve, I’ve questioned this a lot, but I’ve come to the conclusion that consciousness is very much evolving. And so, we are at a brand new place and on the precipice of, of an opportunity to create something anew that our ancestors, even just a couple generations back, even our own parents, like, were not capable of doing.

Lindsay

Yeah, something you shared on, one of your, I think it was on this one episode that I listened to recently that I thought was really special to dig into and just chat about was you were, well, you’re in Connecticut and, which I love, I’m from Connecticut as well. And my best memories, my childhood memories are all in Connecticut, but you were just sharing how you had moved to this new spot and you just felt this calling that you needed to get back into community and that you were really missing that. And I’ve really felt that in the past year or two myself.

It feels like as you know as you’re just growing it and doing all this work naturally certain relationships fall out of your life. You, you have gratitude for them But you also are seeking, you realize, and you’re seeking just a community of women to do life with that, it just is the nourishment that we need. And I think I realized too, after just all the things of 2020, how that’s just something that is a core part of health is getting to have that community, like a commune support. And so you had shared that you were just in the process, I think of moving back so that you have that support. So I’d love for you just to share more about that and what you realized in just that own shift for you.

Kelly

I was always someone who felt, well, first of all, I was like more of an introvert, right? And like, never, I never really felt that connected to my community, to the town I grew up in for whatever reason. I think part of I owned a brick and mortar business in the town I grew up in for two years and I realized that I took a lot for granted, right? It’s like I grew up in this suburban town that is outside of New York City. So it’s like, yes, it’s in Connecticut, but it’s like a bedroom community of New York. Most people commute, I mean, less people now after the pandemic, but commute into New York. It’s very affluent. And it’s very intense. And I was lucky enough to have parents that are very grounded and down to earth. And so they like kept us from a lot of that, but it’s only gotten a lot worse, which is what brought my husband and I to move. We were really just looking for like a little more space, a little more room, maybe a couple of towns over.

And we ended up finding this really beautiful property that had, you know, just, it was like a little farm. I had my horse there. It was like my dream come true. And it’s so much of it, it’s, it was perfect. It was very divinely guided and led. There are so many synchronicities. It’s literally on my husband’s like ancestral land that his like ancestor in the 1650s bought from native American tribe, like so, so, so long ago. So there was a lot of like really interesting things that led us there. And I definitely think we were guided there, but we get there and it’s much more rural. It’s an hour and a half from our families on most days with traffic. And it’s And I thought for a long time, I just was fine with it. I was like, I’m going to be okay. Like, I, you know, we’ll find our people or I don’t really need anyone like, and I’m, I think you get it. It’s like anyone listening to this, it’s like, we’re a little different than your average person. Like I’m used, I’m also like used to being the outsider. And so I was like, it’ll be fine. And then it all really came to a head when I had my third son. And I was totally alone. Like I would go in this even before then I’d like, I started to realize that like, oh, like I can go weeks without talking to another adult apart from my husband and like the cashier and like the preschool teacher, like I won’t in person, like I won’t see another adult human being in person for weeks in where we were living.

And like I had Emmett and like there was no one to bring me a meal or to go to the playground with with the kids after school. Like I had one friend that I started to make from because the boys were at a tiny preschool and I said one friend that I made from there and then I made one other both of them moved. So it’s like I just had all of these realizations around the importance of community. And I think that I had taken for granted living near our parents. I had taken for granted the community that I had started to gather around me of wellness people in Connecticut when I owned Inner Light. I even took for granted, like, it was so hard to run brick and mortar business with It twin infants at home, you know. And I worked for it and I worked part time because I wanted to be with them as much as I could, but I would go and I would sit at the front desk and even just that interaction of like sitting at a front desk and talking to who came in and came out. Like I didn’t realize how valuable that was.

And there was something about twins too, where having twins and owning a business forced me to create support for myself, whereas this time I was like, I’m not a new mom. I can do it on my own. I’ll be perfectly fine. And I made that like, I made a lot of the mistakes that, like, maybe a new mom would make of, like, not asking for enough help, but with the third baby. And so, I also think that there’s a feminine aspect to this, that like women need community and women need in person community in a way that men don’t. Like my husband loved where we lived and like would still live there if I hadn’t been like, I really need to be closer to family and community. And are there people up there? Yes, but it’s much more rural and there is something about population density, it can, you probably get this, you live in a rural place, like it’s just, it can be harder to find your people, when you don’t know anyone. And like, I think it’s different if you live in a rural place where your family’s from, so it was really challenging, but yeah.

So we are like in transition as a family, trying to figure out what we’re going to do. We’re looking at houses down here. We don’t want to lose that property. So we’re trying to rent it. It’s just like a very messy period that I’ve learned a lot about the unknown. We’ve been living at my parents house for seven months. They’re in Florida, which is nice for a few months this winter. They’re back soon. 2023 was really, really hard, but 2024 feels very different. And I think a lot of that, I’m going to go to the astrology. It has a lot to do with the astrology and 

Pluto moving into Aquarius is very much this energy of community, you know, um, positive change.

And I have, Pluto is in Capricorn for 20 years. I Capricorn is like my heaviest sign. I have four planets in Capricorn. So yeah, I’m relieved. And Capricorn is the taskmaster. It is the karmic taskmaster. It is the teacher. It’s the father. It’s, kicks your ass. And so we’ve moved out of that. We’re actually going to dip back into that period in September, October, November. And then we’re in, we’re in the clear a little bit, unless you have a lot of placements at Aquarius and Leo, and then you might, uh, you might find the next 20 years, challenging at times. Cause yeah, it’s Pluto’s about change and transformation.

Lindsay

Yeah. I was smiling extra big cause my middle child is just Capricorn so many places and he’s just embodies that so much. But I just was appreciating what you shared with the community aspect like you said. Similarly, I realized that about myself last year and just I think I sometimes get in this spot of more masculine, of just like I’m in this producing stage and you know there’s a time and place. But I get in this I love creating and I have all these ideas and then I really realized, okay. I love community and I love that aspect and I love being able to, to have that as just part of my, my life. And it’s exactly what you said about just kind of taking for granted. Just, you know, I feel like I’m in a rural spot, but it’s such an incredible place to be, I feel like for the PNW and just people that just get it.

I feel like I could have, you know, a similar conversation with so many people here. I mean, it’s just, people are just so, I feel like grounded and kind. I like to think of it as that coexist bumper sticker, but in real life, it’s just a beautiful. And sometimes I think where I have just taken it for granted is, you know, and, and I think for me, it comes back to winter. It’s just really starting to embrace more the seasonal aspect of living and knowing like, okay, in winter, I can let myself slow down. But I think by now that I’m towards the end of, or coming, you know, towards the end of that March period, I’m like, all right, I’m ready. I’m ready for seeing all the people and the summer activities and having, you know, more of that commune and community.

So I think that’s just one of the things that has been an adjustment because I lived in Florida for so long of getting back into the beauty of seasons and why, or just even how I can use that to, support myself and my body and my ideas.

And, and yeah.

Kelly

So did you guys move to Florida?

Lindsay

Well, we moved from Florida to Colorado in 2019 and then we moved to North Idaho in 2020. And, you know, it was really healing going back to Florida recently because I think I had just associated 

Florida with just really hard times of my life. And I mean, this is a whole other discussion. I’d really love to, even if I could dissect it more from a astro cartography, if I’m pronouncing it right perspective, because just that was a very tumultuous time of my, my life for, for many years. But when I came back, it was just so healing because I don’t know, it was just going back actually felt like completing a hero’s journey or just completing a circle. Um, it was just, it was good to get to experience that. And also just the heat of 

Florida and sun, which you understand, because you were there for probably like a month.

Kelly

We were there for two weeks. We’ve gone for a month and we think about moving there too. We go back and forth but we’ll see.

Lindsay

Yeah, yeah. So tell me what is next on the horizon for Ancient Future Heart and what are you working on?

Kelly

I’m really excited what’s to come. So right now Ancient Future Heart, the hub of it, is this space that I’ve created on Substack. So at my core, I’m a writer. I’m like a podcaster second, right? It’s like I, I, I speak, writing is like my first language, in a way, I guess you could say. You’re gonna hear me stumbling over my words, which is funny. 

But, um, I am writing on Substack and I’ve created it less of like, it’s not your typical Substack newsletter. So Substack generally, it’s like a once a month or once a week type thing. This is, I see it as like an oasis. So a well, a hub of inspiration for you to be able to, for subscribers to be able to come back to you again and again, to help them remember.

Cause as you know, on the path, it’s like, we’re all in our work, but we just, we need these reminders. We need to, these different sources to keep us going and keep us in that alignment. And so that’s what Ancient Future Heart is right now. So when you subscribe, you get three essays in your inbox a week, one or two, you know, one’s personal, one’s maybe more on a concept, maybe one’s diving into the science, and then we’re also doing a book club on there. So once a month, we’re diving into a book this month. It’s The Romance of 

Reality, which is, uh, a scientific book about, um, it’s really, really cool. It’s just absolutely brilliant about like, what is the fabric of reality? It’s a theory I’ve never heard before. It’s about complexity science. And so that is really fun.

And so book club is going to be kind of like what I was first doing those first four or five months of Ancient Future Heart with the more deep dive detailed podcast episodes. That’s going to be more of like a once a month thing with this focus on a book. And then I am going to start doing the podcast again. It’s going to be, you’re going to have to come on, a once a month conversation. With women who are thought leaders, healers, teachers in spirituality. And we’re going to really dive into like, I’m going to ask the people that come on. I’m going to start doing it this month.

I’m super excited is what do you believe about God? What do you believe about universe? What the universe, what do you believe about creation and kind of ask people that those questions, because there’s a lot of really beautiful interviews out there, but like generally no one’s getting to like that question. So that’s going to be really fun. 

And then, moving forward. I have a few things that I’m creating right now, some courses, some workshops, and I’m going to announce those probably in early April, as you said, moving with the seasons, right?

Lindsay

Yeah, I’m just thinking if you had a tip of like, and maybe something to share with just other moms who are in the entrepreneurial space of just, encouragement or just like what’s been helpful for you in just putting forth what you love and what you feel called to do while also integrating motherhood, what would you say?

Kelly

I’d say it’s that duality of holding the vision and like being devoted to your vision of like knowing if you have that inside you, not everyone does, right? So like, you do have a message. You are here to share something special with the world and like, continually holding that vision like and not discounting it and not forgetting it. And getting in even more intimate with like what and playful with like, what do I want to create in this world?

What is the shift I want to create? What is my message?

And so it’s like holding that outer vision and then like on a daily level, like the micro, that’s the macro, the micro is like, just keep creating, you know, even if you’re not sharing it with anyone, like, open up your notes. So like, what I do is like, I open up my notes on my phone all the time, right? And like, I’ll jot things down or like, I’ll record a voice note to myself or I’ll like, yes. And by the way, waking up early does really help. I know it’s hard depending on what ages your kids are. I haven’t been waking up early the past two weeks; I’ve been sick.

But like waking up one hour earlier before anyone else is to just open up your laptop, open up a word document and just like get, get your journal out and just like express yourself and write and dream. And as much as you can start to put it out there, you know, like, and as I think that what you said earlier is so perfect is just playfulness. Like I keep saying to myself, again, I have four planets Capricorn and I say to myself, like Kelly, just lighten up, like, just lighten up. Like, just do it with an, I actually, in my human design, I have joy as one of like my, my four major gates is like serving joy and amplifying joy.

And it’s like really funny because I’m like a very serious person in a lot of ways. So it’s like, how, how can I just be in play with it? And if you look at the best, if you look at like the, actually I was just thinking about this, cause we were just at Disney. Think about this most successful entrepreneurs, the most successful companies. Why is Disney? Why is Disney so successful? Because it’s about play. 

Because it’s about joy. Like, I’m not someone, I’m not like a Disney person. Like, I was like, I’m never going to bring my kids to Disney. But you go and it’s fun. It’s like, just have fun. That’s why people love it because it’s play and imagination and joy.

Like, however much you can tap into that and like, let your work be a wellspring of that rather than like something that drains you or stresses you out. And all that it’s your work, you know, like stop saying, I’m just a mom and this is just my side hustle. This is just my side project. It’s like, just really like trying to like own, own that.

Lindsay

Yeah. Oh yes. That resonates so much. So much. So tell me Kelly and everyone listening, how can they find you? How can they connect?

Kelly

So the best way to find me is on Instagram really. So I’m https://www.instagram.com/lovekellyingraham/, which is really pronounced Ingram, K E L L Y I N G R A H A M. So, and I’m sure you’ll link it in the show notes. And then my Substack is https://kellyingraham.substack.com/ and come over and just like become a free subscriber, see what’s there, see what’s around. And I’d love for you to join us. And also when you subscribe, you’ll get to know all of the updates, cause I have a lot classes and courses and workshops that I’m going to start.

Lindsay

Yeah, I’m so excited for that. And I really, I told you, I want to join the book club because I’ve realized, especially in the last few months, how much I love and miss getting to just read and study and be a student of life. Like I went through a little period of forgetting that. And so, o, you know, now there’s so many open books everywhere around.

Kelly

I know, but this is like, this is the thing about book club is it’s going to be the easiest book club you’ve ever joined because like you don’t even need to read the book because I’m going to give you the spark notes, right? I’m going to give you the spark notes, but we get to like talk about it and do it together. Cause for years, like this is what I’ve done for so many years, probably like a decade of just devouring different books on spirituality and science and this and that, and doing it alone, you know? Doing it alone for so long and, and no more it’s, it’s Ludo’s and Aquarius and we’re all going to start coming together more.

Lindsay

I love it. I love it. Thank you so much Kelly for being on and sharing all your love and goodness. It’s just been so fun to get to talk and just hear everything you’re up to. And I, I just, I always love seeing it because it’s just a different energy. I can feel like you’re so much in this energy of really, yeah, alignment and just, just enjoying getting to bring forth what you are. And so it’s very tangible. I love when I can sense that and it just brings, it brings me in. So, um, thanks for having me on and, or thanks for coming on and yeah, I look forward to being able to check everything out that you’re up to.

Kelly

Thank you so much for inviting me. I love you and your work and I’m so glad that we’ve gotten to connect and it’s been a pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Lindsay

Thanks Kelly.

Thank you so much you guys for listening to the show. I’m so glad you’re here. Come say hi on Instagram at Lindsay Tuttle NP which is my practice page. or find me on Lindsay on the Haven, which gives you the behind the scenes of our day to day intentional living on our homestead.

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